I can't really articulate how MUCH I relate to this Bel (fellow sick, mid twentines, sometimes bedbound ferocious reader) I feel (complimentary) that this essay has been pulled straight out of my brain because I have something very similar on my laptop about why I read as someone who is sick. There are too many lines to pull - but the one that resonates the most is: 'I read things that make my time feel useful. I’m not looking for escapism. You can keep your romantasy, your books about dragons and made-up affairs in faraway places. I want to know what’s happening out there, in the real world, where I can’t always participate.' - I so often get the question of 'how can you read about 'horrible' or 'real world' events when your life is so stressful (always a veiled insult when someone says this lol) and they assume I would blindly only want to read fantasy to 'escape' my life - but as you say, I want to be IN the world I can't be in, I want to be involved because I'd much rather be out there than in my fucking bed but I can't change that reality so the least I can do is manipulate how I spend that reality.
Also this line; 'Would I prefer to be a cool girl out drinking wine at an event with friends? Yes. Is it bleak in here, under the covers, while it feels like everyone else is out? Also yes. But reading stops making it feel like such a waste of my life' deeply relatable. It is bleak here under the covers but at least I am reading some good books - as you perfectly word it 'They are permanent, when nothing else is.'
You’re always such an attentive reader, Martha. You treat words with such care. And I’m so pleased Bel’s piece made you feel (sorry overused word coming up) SEEN
This was so lovely and so vulnerable. I find the older I get (I’m almost 70), the more I need alone time in my bed. Not just my bedroom, but specifically my bed. My bed is my comfort, my office, my place of reflection.
May you be well. May you be happy. May you be at peace.
Thank you for this. I’ve been inside reading for years, & while my time at home has been related more to mental health issues than physical, this all resonates so much. I love to be inside stories where rich, moving, vivid life is taking place.
This was so well done and put into words how I feel. CFS, Fibromyaglai, MS, Lyme...all of these diseases with their fatigue, not knowing the cause...but you didn't talk about that. You talked about self care and self love in a way that I don't see a lot of people do. Because reading, even as a desire to connect to the world around you outside of your bed, is loving yourself. I hope you have beautiful yet comfortable pillows, a nice reading light, and some more energy for the day ahead <3
Thank you so much for your beautiful words. Like Martha writes in her comment, it feels like you've articulated exactly how I feel, being sick in my thirties while the world keeps spinning and the lives of friends progress into next phases of life and I'm still here, inside. Mostly alone, but for my book-friends waiting for me in the bookcase (or more accurately, in my faithful kindle). Whenever I'm truly frustrated or sad I think of all the books I have been able to read and what a wonderful, wonderful side effect that is of being sick.
I loved this so much! While I don't have CFS, I had a severe concussion that left me unable to do pretty much anything for several months. Forbidden from reading and screen use, audiobooks were one of the ways I felt able to stay connected to anything.
I feel the concussion journey so much! I’ve had it 5 times over the years and can relate. Sending lots of healing love and empathy ~ see you in the pages x
Bel, this is absolutely beautiful writing - and an indictment of a late-stage capitalist society as much as a poem to books and to the grief of illness and to rest. As a fellow disabled woman who spends a lot of time in bed feeling shame and reading books, thank you so much for writing it. 💖
I saw so much of my own experience in this beautiful essay, Bel. I don't have a chronic illness but I am living alongside serious trauma (childhood sexual violence) which is profoundly physically debilitating. People don't always understand that - our culture focused on the psychological and emotional impacts - but I see so much of my experience in stories written by chronically ill folks. Thank you Bel. You made me feel less alone today 💕
i don‘t have cfs but i have chronic migraines so this was very relatable. every line of this essay pulled on something inside me - call it heartstrings, or maybe just the feeling of being understood. this is truly a beautiful piece and so incredibly vulnerable. thanks for writing it.
I can't really articulate how MUCH I relate to this Bel (fellow sick, mid twentines, sometimes bedbound ferocious reader) I feel (complimentary) that this essay has been pulled straight out of my brain because I have something very similar on my laptop about why I read as someone who is sick. There are too many lines to pull - but the one that resonates the most is: 'I read things that make my time feel useful. I’m not looking for escapism. You can keep your romantasy, your books about dragons and made-up affairs in faraway places. I want to know what’s happening out there, in the real world, where I can’t always participate.' - I so often get the question of 'how can you read about 'horrible' or 'real world' events when your life is so stressful (always a veiled insult when someone says this lol) and they assume I would blindly only want to read fantasy to 'escape' my life - but as you say, I want to be IN the world I can't be in, I want to be involved because I'd much rather be out there than in my fucking bed but I can't change that reality so the least I can do is manipulate how I spend that reality.
Also this line; 'Would I prefer to be a cool girl out drinking wine at an event with friends? Yes. Is it bleak in here, under the covers, while it feels like everyone else is out? Also yes. But reading stops making it feel like such a waste of my life' deeply relatable. It is bleak here under the covers but at least I am reading some good books - as you perfectly word it 'They are permanent, when nothing else is.'
You’re always such an attentive reader, Martha. You treat words with such care. And I’m so pleased Bel’s piece made you feel (sorry overused word coming up) SEEN
HARD AGREE with this Martha 💗😭
<3 <3 <3
🩷🩷🩷
Will be sending this to anyone who asks why I read so much from now on. Thanks Bel 💖
a pleasure a joy an honour x
This was so lovely and so vulnerable. I find the older I get (I’m almost 70), the more I need alone time in my bed. Not just my bedroom, but specifically my bed. My bed is my comfort, my office, my place of reflection.
May you be well. May you be happy. May you be at peace.
That’s such a beautiful sign off! (And I’m with you, j’adore bed)
Thank you for this. I’ve been inside reading for years, & while my time at home has been related more to mental health issues than physical, this all resonates so much. I love to be inside stories where rich, moving, vivid life is taking place.
That’s such a good way of putting it, Michelle. Seeking vividity ✨
This was so well done and put into words how I feel. CFS, Fibromyaglai, MS, Lyme...all of these diseases with their fatigue, not knowing the cause...but you didn't talk about that. You talked about self care and self love in a way that I don't see a lot of people do. Because reading, even as a desire to connect to the world around you outside of your bed, is loving yourself. I hope you have beautiful yet comfortable pillows, a nice reading light, and some more energy for the day ahead <3
This is exactly it. I have chronic migraine and fatigue and I live in bed, so reading is my world! I couldn't have put it so eloquently, so thank you.
Omg thank you ~ a pleasure 💓
Thank you so much for your beautiful words. Like Martha writes in her comment, it feels like you've articulated exactly how I feel, being sick in my thirties while the world keeps spinning and the lives of friends progress into next phases of life and I'm still here, inside. Mostly alone, but for my book-friends waiting for me in the bookcase (or more accurately, in my faithful kindle). Whenever I'm truly frustrated or sad I think of all the books I have been able to read and what a wonderful, wonderful side effect that is of being sick.
I loved this so much! While I don't have CFS, I had a severe concussion that left me unable to do pretty much anything for several months. Forbidden from reading and screen use, audiobooks were one of the ways I felt able to stay connected to anything.
I feel the concussion journey so much! I’ve had it 5 times over the years and can relate. Sending lots of healing love and empathy ~ see you in the pages x
Bel, this is absolutely beautiful writing - and an indictment of a late-stage capitalist society as much as a poem to books and to the grief of illness and to rest. As a fellow disabled woman who spends a lot of time in bed feeling shame and reading books, thank you so much for writing it. 💖
Ugh, my heart to read this ~ thank you 💓
I’m crying reading the end paragraph, what a lead up and I can relate to every single sentence.
Absolutely LOVE this piece. 💛 thank you so much for writing about this!
I saw so much of my own experience in this beautiful essay, Bel. I don't have a chronic illness but I am living alongside serious trauma (childhood sexual violence) which is profoundly physically debilitating. People don't always understand that - our culture focused on the psychological and emotional impacts - but I see so much of my experience in stories written by chronically ill folks. Thank you Bel. You made me feel less alone today 💕
My dream to give people this feeling ~ thank you for these sweet words ✨
💕💕
In 2016 I was diagnosed with CFS. Reading books and listening to Audio books (when my vision was compromised)
Helped me escape for a while. Love this.
What a beautiful piece. Thank you for letting us under the covers of your world 🤍
i don‘t have cfs but i have chronic migraines so this was very relatable. every line of this essay pulled on something inside me - call it heartstrings, or maybe just the feeling of being understood. this is truly a beautiful piece and so incredibly vulnerable. thanks for writing it.
my heart! this is so kind, thank you so much for your sweet words <3